Veni, Vidi, Volui

Spring Witchery

2010-02-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

So my Spring style, ideally, is some bubbling cauldron full of mountain grammie, Tina Turner circa Beyond Thunderdome:

this wild chick painted by Sylvia Ji:

and Daria Werbowy in this absolutely incredible Vogue Nippon shoot from awhile ago:

yeah, I know it's really hard to know whether these photos are great because of the light, the clothes, the incredibly beautiful model or the wheat.

I looooooved these Chanel clogs in Elle last month:

and so I was super stoked when I found these at the Rack:
Not exactly the same, but pretty darn rad regardless.
My shopping list is as follows:
-sexy shoes with wooden bottoms
-big snuggly sweaters that hang off the shoulders
-gigantic earrings (shameless self-promotion http://www.darknessfelladornment.blogspot.com/)
-eye of newt
-dragon's blood
-maybe leggings and silk tank tops for under the sweaters. Unless of course, I magically turn into Miss Werbowy tomorrow in which case ain't gonna be nuthin' under that sweater!

Poor Men's Versions

2009-05-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

So, while watching 30 Rock with G, we noticed that Liz Lemon's short-lived boyfriend Floyd looked familiar. We then watched The Office and were all, "Bingo! It's cuz it's Andy!" So then we googled and discovered that THEY WEREN'T THE SAME PERSON AT ALL!!! Andy is Ed Helms:

And Floyd is Jason Sudeikis:

So they look pretty similar in the side by side photo comparison, but on tv the resemblance is unfuckingcanny. So we googled the two names and not only laughed our asses off at the fact that someone typed their resemblance into Yahoo! Answers, but at this hilarious blog wherein some enterprising dude has found TONS of poor man's versions. Although I really can't say which of the two men is actually the poor man's version. I think it's kind of like comparing and apple to an apple...that looks exactly like the first apple.

ah, deliciously shameless self-promotion

2009-03-29T13:27:00.001-07:00

as you can see to the right, i've posted a mini-etsy widget for my fledgling jewelry site. i love etsy because they take the whole web hosting and design thing out of my hands and make selling easier than ebay. etsy is also all about exclusively handmade and vintage items...no reselling allowed! i also like the "shop local" option to look at other artists' work in the area, though when i say "seattle," i mean "SEATTLE," not lynnwood or vancouver, thx. i'm hoping to get up more new pieces in the next couple of days because, let's be real, this girl's gotta eat! please enjoy :)!

the depths of kjadehom's shamelessness: kjadehom etsy

holy wows

2009-03-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

gianfranco ferre icy stilettos. holy shite. magical.

thx to one of my favorite fashion talents/bloggers/photogs: jakandjil

Today is for the Deuce

2009-03-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

Hair: Dear Deuce, please do the Leigh Lezark, not the Nicole Richie. L.L.'s hair is gorgeous and edgy and feminine. Richie's is momish and boring. Plus the L.L. still seems long. The only other thing I can think of that you might do is leave it long and shave one side above the ear and have bangs that sweep to the other side. It would really work with your zipper fetish, but I can see M feeling a bit chilly about the whole operation. However, he is supposed to love you for who you are, and you are one hot babe who could really pull it off...maybe add a purple streak or something.

Pants: Look what I found for YOU!

"Python" leggings, $58.00, ZIPPERS ON THE ANKLES!

Now shave your head and shut the fuck up.

Did you like that? That was so your inner dominatrix would come out. Hope it worked.

hair today...

2009-03-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

gone today?

thinking about doing something drastic to the hair. i've been detesting it for about 3 weeks straight...and just hating it for about two months. what to do, what to do..?

THOSE boots

2009-03-12T12:40:00.000-07:00

thanks to ford model, chanel iman, for wearing these be-buckled beauties by akiko ogawa. i love the general slouchiness contrasted with the sharp, angular nature of the heel. soft, natural leather v cold, metal plates.

courtesy of stylesightings

yes, the architectural, mirrored wedge heel is reminiscent of a certain stella mccartney favorite, but akiko, i ain't mad at you!

courtesty of fashionfifthavenue

another thank you to style and the city for an additional view of the boots. chanel, i think you've brought intense recognition to a worthy designer.

yes, it's paris fashion week

2009-03-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

and there are a million other designers and styles to look at, but there's something about christophe decarnin for balmain's rock-and-roll-louche vibe that i love. there's nothing particularly innovative, but i don't look to him for that. i look to balmain for now.

courtesy style.com

this look is so simple: leather jacket, skinny straight pants (cropped or full length), white top with a twist (sequin stripes in this case), sweetly-bowed yet studded shoes. this kind of edited style requires great pieces. to pull something off so simple and accessory-free (save a belt and shoulder dangly), the pants, shoes, tshirt, and jacket better be on point. i must write that down for future reference.

and i suppose natasha poly ain't so bad herself.

the black leather moto might be my signature piece. yes, my boyfriend calls me "the fonz" a lot, but it's worth it.

what does he know, anyway?!? women dress for other women, so take that! i just want one that's longer, now, to wear during the colder months like either of the below:

from rick owens season to season or

courtesy of balenciaga autumn/winter 2007.

but back to the balmain runway. i don't want to underestimate christophe decarnin's design skills. one thing that has been incredibly prevalent for a little while now across the board is a return of 80's fashion. balmain's little twist on this modern, feminine, slender motorcycle jacket is the exaggerated shoulders. it's beautiful editorially, but notsomuch IRL. loves you, balmain!

heeeeey ladies.

2009-03-10T13:07:00.001-07:00

So, I'm new to the blog and I've been trying to get my ass to sit down and write a post for some time now. And, now after reading you two's, I'm only slightly intimidated.

So, in the meantime, while I come up with something equally witty and hip, I'll just throw down some practical lady knowledge for y'all.

I work in three different boutiques in Seattle that are geared towards the fashion forward lady on the go. (I can't believe I just typed that) Bear with me, I'm working on no days off all for the large discounts I get at said boutiques.

First, Bellefleur Lingerie in Fremont. We sell hellza bras that are hellza cute as well as some naughty naughty lingerie. I didn't realize, well I suppose I did a little, the extreme importance of wearing the right size bra. Almost EVERY single lady that steps into the store is wearing the wrong size. This job has made me completely obsessed with boobs, especially those of my friends who refuse to come in, get properly sized, and wear the correct size. Trust me, it's worth it. It changes how you stand, how your clothes fit, and makes you feel just downright sexy. The most common problem women have is that they are usually wearing too big a band size and too small a cup size. So, if you think you're ohhh lets' say a 36A, you're probs something more like a 32C. The size part aside, not every bra works on every woman. That's why you come to an expert who can properly pick the best one out for you. And, don't go to a certain store in the mall, either. Those girls have NO idea what they're doing and most likely won't know what to put you in.

So, there's that. Whew, I am obsessed with boobs. So, come to Bellefleur and I can size you and put you in something AWESOME. We also have tons and tons on sale. I'm talking $25 bras.

While we're on the topic of SALE, at the other two shops I work in, there's still some cute stuff on sale from the Winter. And since, Seattle is still somewhat freezing, it's quite applicable.

Dolce Vita in Ballard: OMG Sandals! But, wait OMG floral print rompers with built in underoos. Perfect summer gear, especially on the bike. There's still some holdover Winter garb on sale including wool capes, scarves, and some ankle booties.

Kimberly Baker Jewelry in Fremont: Go to the website to check out the SALE merch that will soon be a distant memory. Kim has retooled the line to welcome some new pieces and get rid of some pieces that no longer really represent the spirit of her and the line. That includes some totally dope pieces, though. I'm sad to see them go but they are really really affordable now. Kim also is in the habit of making one of a kind pieces that are only available in store. I just nabbed a rose gold locket that is too die for. Not only is rose gold totes unique, but it goes well on everyone's skin tone and looks good paired with both silver and gold.

Longwinded much? I'm done. I'm going to study some more street fashion. (HA!)

is this love?

2009-03-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

silky pants!

i'm totally down for this spring 09 trend. i'm even almost convinced myself that this might be a good transition piece for later summer/early fall. i love the color. i love the fabric. i love the cut. it's generous without being true harem of dhoti pants. these are just some basic, slouchy silk trousers.

if my legs were longer, i would see these with mid ankle rough-and-tumble boots, but since i'm both short and short-legged, it's be more like bandage heels, gladiator wedges, or, gasp, simple pumps (which i do not own). sigh.

they also come in purple and hot pink!

is it terrible that i like this?

2009-03-03T13:29:00.000-08:00

even if paired with heeled combat boots or predator heels?

thanks, mango, for tempting me with cheap, fast fashion.

the thought of chalkboards makes my fingers itchy

2009-03-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

but i saw this and thought it was too cute/awesome/accurate/neat to not share.

i fully realize this has nothing to do with style, fashion, vitriol, or household tips....but shit. i just like design-y stuff like this. and oh yeah, i like bikes.

Household Tip #2

2009-02-24T13:53:00.000-08:00

VINEGAR! Vinegar is tip #2. I am fast becoming obsessed with this wonder fluid (isn't fluid just the grossest word? as a noun? not an adjective?). Vinegar is super cheap and is great for cleaning glass, floors, upholstery, leather, vinyl, anything! It also neutralizes gross pet odors. You can add it to the wash to make sure your clothes come out free of residual odors. Vinegar is a natural antibacterial agent and is 100% environmentally friendly (obviously I guess). It can be diluted with water and used with a soft cotton ball to gently swab out your dog's ears. It restores the pH of hair and skin. For this reason, I made a toner of apple cider vinegar, water and matcha (powdered green tea). It is working beautifully. A few days after chemically treating your hair, a vinegar rinse helps restore the acid mantle (hair chemicals are super alkaline).
Love. It.

Pritty Awesome, Pritty Punny

2009-02-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

Stilettos. StiletTOES? Ha ha, get it? TOES? I love these. Love love love because they are totally hilarious but also weirdly sexy. I love the stitching around the edges, very Lecter-chic, non? I also love this dress:

but I am too big a baby to buy it, even though it's on sale. Probably wouldn't want to wear the two of them together...unless it was halloween which would be GENIUS (hmmm...). Plus the dress is 100% silk not shitty cotton jersey. Nice.
Who am I kidding? I have only worn my Fendi crazy-ass platforms once since I bought them, although the fact that it was the middle of Winter may have something to do with it.

more tranny ideas!

2009-02-20T09:28:00.001-08:00

some more ideas courtesty of nyfw go-ers:

furry vest. warm coat. sweatery dress. those leggings. sloppy hat. totally doable!

the kind of casual i stive to wear: voluminous scarf. little moto jacket. structured, winter weight, short skirt. tights, boots, clutch. i love this! i would just add a pop of color at the shoes, bag, or scarf. love.

so many layers!!!

more transition looks...

2009-02-18T12:51:00.001-08:00

hopefully i can "shop my closet" using these looks as inspiration. it's all about rediscovering pieces you already have and reviving them with accessories or combining them in new, unexpected ways. these ladies with verve come courtesy of the sartorialist for style.com's blog:

little leather jacket. shirt dress. ankle boots. cinching at the waist. this looks screams americana, though i know she's russian!

rough-and-tumble boots. lace skirt. simple shirt. crunchy cardigan.

monotone dress, tights, circle scarf. classic color coat in a slouchy shape. cage heels. (love her givenchy originals)

little leather. sloppy plaid shirt. voluminous trousers. strappy boots. sheepy circle scarf.

this might be my personal favorite. rag and bone-esque cropped military coat. short, pleated skirt. simple oxfords. classic scaft. sluggish bag.

i love the silhouette, simplicity, and classic color palette. yum.

so i said i would write about transition wear...

2009-02-18T09:20:00.000-08:00

but that doesn't mean i can't include these i'm-dying-a-little-inside-every-time-i-feast-my-eyes-on-these beauties! thanks for nothing, saks, and your spring shoe trend e-mailer!!! damn you and your 80's PUNK collection! you know what? damn you, GIUSEPPE ZANOTTI for effing me over again with your awesome design and expensive designer prices! DAMN YOU ALL!

dying...

last breath status...

deceased.

RIP

Re: dusty's call for spring suggestions

2009-02-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

dusty brings up a great question: what do i wear in the transition months from winter to spring to summer? living in seattle where the mild winter stretches out into march, and the rainy season lingers until june, dressing with style is especially difficult. to honor d.'s request, i'll be posting up several possibilities....per day!

anyhow, this morning's inspiration comes courtesy of the sartorialist. i think this young lady captures exuberance for spring with practical winter layers.

and i can see dusty actually wearing something like this. worn-in motorcycle boots? check. boyfriend coat with big shoulders? in the hall closet! basic short skirt/dress? no prob. tights, scarf, belt, drapey sweater...? need i say more?

i love this look, and d. even has the blonde locks to go with it!!

I Post, Therefore I Am umm... Postus Ergo Sum?

2009-02-17T21:05:00.000-08:00

Spring is coming! Good. I'd like to stop wearing three layers of clothing in my freezing cold house all day, huddling under the electric blanket sharing warmth with my dogs. Maybe now I can get some work done! Spring's advance (like every other major or minor event in life) leads us to ask: what to wear? I don't know if anyone reads this thing besides Deuce and Larry (Larry apparently has some time on his hands), but I need some advice. The whole change of seasons thing always throws me. By the time I've gathered enough sweaters and turtlenecks, and FINALLY found my other, beloved Smartwool sock someone is calling to invite me to join them for a rousing game of bikini beach volleyball (snort).
This year, I wanna be ready. What do you think, gays and gals? Boyfriend jeans with espadrilles? Poufy skirts with combat boots? Plaid flannel rompers (I should be so lucky)? CARGO CAPRIS? Tell me.

i'm just not that into this effing movie

2009-02-12T10:53:00.001-08:00

email from friend:

have you seen that movie "hes just not that into you"? i wasnt
planning on watching it but my sister told me how her friend went to
see it on sunday and then left her boyfriend on tues. im not very
curious....

my response:

oh lord. there's no way im going to go see that dumb trainwreck of a movie. my mom got me the book several years ago, which i absolutely despised because it was written for 12-year-olds with a penchant for repetition and cartoony graphics...IN A BOOK. it was so dumb i burned it after i read it. and mind you, i don't often HATE things. especially not enough to do something about it. my "friend" who dated my SERIOUS, SERIOUS, OMG-IN-LOVE-WITH-AND-HAD-THE-WORST-BREAK-UP-EVER-WITH ex....i didn't even hate her enough to do something. well, my mom did set her shoes on fire and dance around them while chanting in the backyard....but that's beside the point! anyways. the point is; i hated that book so much i burned it in the fire. so no, no way i'm going to see a contrived movie that's aimed at sex and the city-starved single, "sassy" ladies with an "all-star cast" that's trying to work with a less-than-swiss-cheese-for-brains script for material. hahah. wow. vitriol!

why don't people get it??

2009-02-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

when i ignore your bad joke because it's not funny, please don't keep repeating it at me while i ignore you. thanks.

I See Your Obsession and I Raise You Twenty.

2009-02-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

Continuing this week's agreement theme: I love that Guiseppe Zanotti. Yes I do. The Louboutins aren't as nice. Louboutin does great classic heels in extreme height and shape, but G. Zanotti kills it in the avant department.

I would like to mention that Deuce's Jeffrey Campbell shoes are very, very similar to the bootie-cut-out thingies in Deuce's post of a few days ago. I share Deuce's obsession with leather, studs and black. In fact, I think she and I have a similar style aesthetic, or at least, we aspire to a similar look. She loves studs a little more than I do, I love articles of clothing that are difficult to understand on the hanger, and drape-y stuff.
Overall, we both like a bit of a hard edge to our outfits. Not like this:

but more like this:

Paradoxically, mannish clothes can make a gal look a little more feminine. In my mind, there is no way my femininity can compete with a frilly pink dress and a hair ribbon. Wearing ultra-girly stuff makes me feel like this:

or this:

So pass the leather, the studs, the zippers. Add some cashmere and silk. Throw in some gigantic earrings and a bunch of bracelets and let's go!

I Lego NY

2009-02-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

i love christophe neimann's blog on the new york times website, "abstract city." he's an illustrator/graphic designer/former new yorker/current berliner full of delightful wit and cartoonish sass.

christoph's newest blog entry was so inspiring and clever that i not only had to share it with some former east coast coworkers, but also with you! take a gander at a few of my favorite slices of lego new york life...

the rest can be seen on the new york times online here.

All I Wanna Do Is...Agree With You, Especially about Juicy "Couture"

2009-02-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

I have decided that all of my posts for the week will be responses to Deuce's posts, because the last two just compelled the crap outta me.

Let me start with the loathsome Juicy "Couture". Here are Ten Things I Hate About Juicy:
1. The word "juicy." Let's not even get started on how this word should never, EVER be emblazoned above a bum. Or boobs. Or a fucking handbag you ridiculous, leathery L.A. twats...oh sorry, I was beginning to mouth-foam. Excuse me.

2. Price point vs. target demographic. Juicy Couture is pricey stuff (see Deuce's post below for specific examples). Expensive products are not in and of themselves a crime, certainly, but who the heck is this crap for? The pink stripes, hearts, gold embroidery and tacky styles make me think its for girls ages 11-15 or so, which would really make most of these styles ok with me. The prices, however are high enough that this brand is found in the Savvy section at Nordstrom. Savvy is, I believe, geared toward ladies ages 18-30 who like to spend money on clothes. Either grown-ass ladies love to pay top-dollar to dress like tweens, or a whole lot of tweens have mothers dosed on enough Xanax to pay $300 bucks for a velvet slut-suit for their kids. The success of this brand suggests that both are occurring.

3. The occasional decent design. We all know how vanity labels work: Jessica Simpson does not design those shoes, nor does J.Lo spend hours creating clothes for Sweetface. L.A.M.B. features clothes that seem like they really did come from Gwen Stefani's mysterious closet, but she hired a designer to accomplish the look. Sometimes, Juicy gets it right. That is to say, Juicy's designers make a cool garment, and Juicy's creators, Pamela Skaist-Levy and Gela Nash-Taylor give it the green light or whatever. Now this item is still made of whatever fabric in a factory in some foreign country (yeah, uh, not really 'couture' is it ladies?) (although I did read that their original t shirt line was U.S. made) but still bears a hefty price tag. I don't like seeing good design wasted on a garbage brand like this, it's a bummer and it confuses me. Not to mention what a bummer it is that some talented designer has to labor invisibly for said garbage brand.

4. The Real Housewives of Orange County. I bet they wear a lot of Juicy. They probably think it is hip and sophisticated. Gross.

5.Oh look! A couple of gals who think that being a Linda Perry/Betsey Johnson hybrid is both exciting and new! Maybe they should hire Rachel Zoe to help them get dressed next time...Hagathon 2009!

6.
7. Oh boy! BFF's with matching hyphens! And outfits! Yay! So, two ladies start this clothing line and love to match! And love velour and t shirts! And both have hyphens in their names. Although, further research revealed that Gela Nash-Taylor is now just Gela Taylor, as Nash was actually her previous married name (!). I guess eventually having a hyphen to match her pal's wasn't worth carrying her ex-husband's name around with her current husband's.

8. Velour attracts pet hair.

9. This stuff ain't new. Nor is it classic. Velour tracksuits are from the seventies. Rappers never stopped wearing them. All the other stuff looks just like trendy stuff from someone else except it says JUICY all over it seven thousand times in gold letters. Which, let's be honest, Louis Vuitton has been doing for quite some time, in brown.

10.

yes, i have an obsession with black. and leather. and zippers. and booties. and studs

2009-02-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

okay, okay, i know i'm, like, the last person to talk about dangerous/sexy/"fierce" (goddamn i hate that word) shoes, but i felt compelled to share. i love these shoes:

these amazing, architectural, cut-out boots are a work of modern art courtesy of giuseppe zanotti, one of my favorite shoe designers. season after season, GZ crafts beautiful, sophisticated yet edgy, superior quality footwear that i continually lust after. GZ was even behind the much-raved-about shoes sent down the balmain SS09 runway.

yes, these boots have exposed back zippers. are black leather. high-ankle length. cut-out, nearly bandage-style. with a contrast, silver stiletto heel. OMG. orgasm.

and for those of you who think that this style of shoe is too much of a passing trend to invest in, that's okay. this shoe is not for you. for me, however, it's perfect. i've been wearing the shit out of some jeffrey campbell black, patent leather, bandage shoes for the past forever, even through the seattle snow. they're great with slacks, jeans, skirts, tights, bare legs, whatever. i just love them and will continue to wear them until they literally fall apart.

unfortunately, i don't have an extra $900 handy to buy these GZ jammies.

speaking of shoes i can't afford, let's turn our attention to the perennial fashion-world-and-beyond favorite, christian louboutin! actually, i'm only talking about the below "ariella" booties so i can rave about giuseppe zanotti some more...

these booties were all the rage after the olsen twigs wore them out on countless occasions last year. yes, they are sweet. and sexy. and studded! and yes, CL is about 50% more on average than GZ $$$. however, i quite prefer GZ's version of the same style:

the crystal studs are more delicate and polka=dot-y, which i love. the mirrored angle heel is a plus, too. i guess i just like that the GZ's are less overtly medieval than the CL's.

that being said, i would even wear these giuseppe zanotti studded, steel-toed ballet flats of the same line. and dammit, you know i don't do flats!!!

ah, giuseppe, until i'm rich. until i'm rich.

or until i don't owe the government taxes....shit!

WTF of the week: Juicy Kids

2009-02-06T14:40:00.001-08:00

in the spirit of full disclosure, let's get one thing straight: i hate juicy couture. juicy is tacky and wholly responsible for the explosion of velveteen "dress" sweatsuits. a lazy sunday should either involve real sweats or sunday jeans, not flared velvet pants with "juicy" emblazoned across the ass.

also, what is "couture" about juicy couture?!? is it original and sewed by hand? NO! do not call yourself "couture" if you are not made-to-order, of quality fabrics, or crafted with extreme detail and finish.

that being said, when i received this height-of-ridiculousness e-mailer in my inbox, i felt like puking. i followed the link to saks' luxury children's gift sections and was appalled. yes, there are baby dior onesies for $200. yes, that's beyond stupid and disgustingly indulgent, but the juicy crap is what really got me.

i thought the least offensive of all the juicy items was this cheap, screenprint tshirt coming in at $52. what a steal!

next came a set of coloring book style valentine cards
complete with red and pink markers, like, OMG awesome!! six valentines. $28. whatever happened to a $2.99 box of winnie the pooh valentines from rite aid? yeah, you know, the ones that come with a stack of too many little white envelopes that are nearly impossible to get the card into. thanks for finding another useless luxury item that i didn't know i needed, juicy!

yay! finally! some tiny steven sprouse-esque juicy flipflops
that come in a size 11 toddler to fit my chinese bound teensie feet! and these obnoxiously loud rubber monstrosities are only $55!

aww, a puppy wearing a pink hoodie! okay, so this kid's v day gift isn't that bad...but seriously? nearly a hundred dollars?!? for a seasonal stuffed animal?!?

and now to round out this ragtag team of over-priced, children's "couture" goods is this wonderful, barbie pink, terry cloth purse! yes, i loved to play dress-up when i was a kid, too, but i never asked (nor did i ever receive) a $100 cross body bag for toting my barbie brush and velcro calculator wallet. in fact, i still have a structured, black velvet, heart-shaped purse with a pink bow from when i was in first grade. the only difference is that i bought it with my allowance at kmart on delridge.

okay, i'm well aware that the rich these days are ridiculously rich, and the fact that saks sent me this promotion is proof positive that there is a market for these luxury brat items. it just makes me sick.

okay. i'm better now. i've said my peace.

I Heartily Agree, Deuce Jeweler!

2009-02-04T19:00:00.000-08:00

A few months ago in Las Vegas, I wandered into Barney's in Caesar's Forum (I think, it's hard to tell with all that Greece/Venice stuff). Nope, it was the Palazzo, I just lost a bet. I saw the gold-tipped coat in person! It was $50,000. Yeah I guess it was sorta pretty once you got past the whole 60-small-animals-tortured-in-cages-and-then-anally-electrocuted-for-your-rich-lady-pleasure part. Which I can't really. Get past. Anyway, Deuce, you have a great point that it is pretty showy and in bad taste to go over the top when people are losing their jobs and their homes LIKE CRAZY. Oh, and you know? I kind of hate it when men wear long leather coats. It was good in Carlito's Way and Donnie Brasco and Shaft, but that's it. Now it looks like the uniform of twenty-something Greek nightclubbers from Queens or one of those tech-goths who loves The Matrix. Gross. I don't think leather hangs well. I needs to be stiff and bunchy as in bomber jackets or handbags. Im even a little ambivalent about leather pants...I think I will stick to leather jerkins and my battered old cuirass. Although maybe I can tie this whole thing togather with some opera-length leather gloves from a thrift store! Tres Cruella De Ville!

when too much is really too much

2009-02-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

don't get me wrong, i'm not that person who loves to complain about things she can't have. yes, i love gucci and stella mccartney and chloe accessories and christian louboutins and marni shoes. no, i cannot, with good conscience, afford gucci or stella mccartney or chloe accessories or christian louboutins or marni shoes. i'm okay with all of that. runway collections inspire me with their fantasy. i just think the following coats are the height of ridiculous over indulgence...a butter-soft, cognac leather-gloved smack in the face of the world economy's woes.

you can always count on fendi to cook up a way to take fur to a whole new echelon of luxuriousness. for the f/w 08/09 season, fendi strutted gold-tipped (real, 100% gold!) mink, fox, and astrakhan down the runway. they treated these coats by placing them in some magical molecular chamber which transfered gold onto the fur while still remaining silky. pure wizardry. price upon request.

and then there's hermes' $150,000 hand massaged, crocodile gem of a peacoat. i never thought i would head the words "one-hundred-and-fifty thousand dollars" and "peacoat" joined together in a single sentence. what the hell, hermes?!? and this peacoat is from their in-your-fucking-dreams, crazypants!, i mean, f/w 08/09 collection.

now, for my final and most egregious display of sultan-of-brunei level wealth. thanks for always delivering, salvatore ferragamo! okay, okay, i admit that i love this look. i'm not into the whole excessive fur thing, but this is menswear fantasy. glamour. sex. at its best. and its best is $250,000!!! this croc trench walked down the runway just last month during the men's shows for f/w 09/10. there is no excuse. everyone knew the state of the economy in JANUARY 2009! ridiculous. **head shake** ridiculous.

And now, a change of pace...

2009-01-27T14:50:00.001-08:00

i think part of being a responsible blogger is recognizing another lovely blog that's just spreading its wings. even though laura cassidy's wear what when is part of seattle metropolitan's web relaunch and, albeit, comes with a hefty following, i enjoy laura's musings and general authority on style. she remains seattle-centric and often presents and engages in relevant, fashion-related questions (re: marc jacobs' popularity, local/sustainable style, even me-style blogging). just thought i would share laura's blog with you. i enjoy checking it daily!

What rhymes with brat joy?

2009-01-20T20:47:00.001-08:00

LISTEN UP. I don't care how skinny your jeans, deep your v neck, or white your belt. I don't care what degree of irony your facial hair has achieved. I don't care how child-drawing-like your tattoos are, or how infrequently you wash your hair. It really doesn't matter to me that PBR is actually waaaaaay to fancy for you and that you prefer Old E at the best, because guess what? If you White rap on the mic at the Christmas party and then order an Irish Car Bomb to chase the rhymes, you are most definitely a frat boy.

Oh, and bragging that you never went to college doesn't mean shit. As the totally awesome and now deceased David Foster Wallace in his essay on television and irony and a bunch of other cool stuff (not an English major, so this is how I know the quote even though lots of people probably read ACTUAL Lewis Hyde) quotes Lewis Hyde: "Irony has only emergency use. Carried over time, it becomes the voice of the trapped who have come to enjoy their cage."

my boyfriend's a closet.....slob!

2009-01-16T11:01:00.000-08:00

my friends will tell you i'm neurotic and picky. i prefer to call myself "organized" and "thoughtful." so when it comes to my closet, i have no shame in telling you it's organized by shirt type and within that, by color. my boyfriend's side, though, is another story. he could really care less about folding and sorting as long as his clothing is clean.

i take care of the laundry for the two of us, so i used to neatly fold all of his clothes and organize them how i thought he might like them; one stack of "often worn" jeans, one stack of "not-so-worn" jeans and slacks, one stack of printed, nice t-shirts, a tupperware of sweaters, and a pile of plain, solid t-shirts. ...and that's just the items that are shelved! his clothes on hangers are far fewer: dress shirts, polos, sweatshirts, and jackets. keep in mind that he does not care.

imagine my horror when a neatly stacked and folded column of "often worn" jeans turned into a heap of wrinkled denim on the floor only to be transferred to the shelf where they should live....still in a heap!!! i fought his closet style for as long as i could, slowly allowing a resentment to deepen about all the effort i was putting into keeping his clothes tidy while he never returned them to the proper shelf or hanger (depending on the garment). finally i wised up and just played his game.

i still did our laundry, but i didn't bother hanging any of his clothes. i tossed t-shirts, dress shirts, sweaters, and polos indiscriminately up onto the shelf. (i continued to fold his jeans, but only because they were so crisp and easy to stack!) i did this for a couple months without him really noticing the giant change (in my mind). this was all fine and good...

...until i was stir crazy from being inside too much over the holidays (and seattle snow apocalypse) and noticed that his pile of unfolded, unorganized clothes was encroaching on my side and impeding the smooth sliding of my hangers like the blob! this called for drastic, immediate action.

i tore all his clothes down from the shelf and began to fold and reorganize them. i could no longer stand for this anal-retentive travesty of a closet for one more minute.

i folded all of his nice t-shirts into a column, as well as his "current" jeans, "old" jeans, and unworn t-shirts. all of his sweaters came out of the bin to find a new place on the shelf while the bin became the new home of all his workout wear. lastly, his plain, everyday t-shirts remained in an unfolded pile in the corner of the shelf since there's really no point in organizing them.

later i gave him a "tour" of his side of the closet, and i think we understand each other now. i don't have an anxiety attack every time i step inside our closet, and he isn't as slobby as before. however, we shall see. we shall see...

so about those black pants...

2009-01-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

in one word, i can pretty much sum up how they look: sausage.

they are so incredibly tight that i had to gather the leg up and slip them on like an old lady's hose. even after i miraculously got them on, i looked like an over-stuffed blood sausage bursting from it's too-petite casing.

good lord. this is exactly where product reviews come in handy. i wish i would have known to size up before they effing sold out!!! so now i have these sweet pants sitting in my living room while i debate whether i should tone up my legs just so i can keep them since they're so perfect.

i will tell you, though, that these pants are pretty much exactly what i'm looking for: semi-flat finish, skinny fit, jean seaming and style. everything but the damn fit. i can usually fit into clothes that run a little small in my size, but these jammies are a full size too small.

oh well. i think i'll have to try them on again right before the return window expires just so i can bid adieu.

p.s. i would have included a picture of me in them if it weren't so obscene!

follow the leader

2009-01-09T11:11:00.001-08:00

help us expand our readership and follow VeniVidiVolui on bloglovin'!

See? I told you there would be household tips!

2009-01-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, if you eat oily food with the gusto that I do, you probably have a bunch of garments stained with grease! Even healthnuts have this problem, as a poorly engineered but well-dressed salad often ends up falling off your fork halfway to your mouth (which is why I personally prefer to eat salad alone with my fingers). Do not despair. Here are three tips for the swift removal of said stain:
1. Shout! gel with the scrubby lid. Works really well, especially on denim. Follow directions, may take more than one washing. Do not dry until stain is gone.

2. Dish soap. This is what I usually use as I can barely remember to buy toilet paper let alone Shout! gel. Lather it up, both sides of stain, let it sit a few and repeat. Good.

3. This one I haven't tried, but found online. Maybe it's good for delicate fabric when the above two methods prove overly rigorous. Try dusting the spot with cornstarch or baby powder and allow it to soak up stain then dust off excess and launder as usual.

Writing this made me hungry.

Happy Noodle Year!

2009-01-07T15:33:00.000-08:00

Ok. I am starting off the new year with a groan and a snort. Day one of new year was spent nursing ridiculous hangover ALL DAY LONG. In bed. Please don't ever, ever drink champagneall night interspersed with shots of Rumpleminz. Didn't feel better until hot and sour soup around 7 p.m. So much for "I resolve to drink less in 2009." I haven't been to the gym once this year (and I usually go faithfully--so much I didn't even need to resolve). Fucking Seattle gray helmet sky is making me want to dig out my eyes and then O.D. on Vitamin D supplements. My usual love of cooking seems to have deserted me, and my bed is now the only place I am happy. Diet? Well today was the kicker: Ramen Noodles! Not just any style either; drained then buttered generously, season packeted, and drizzled with hot sauce. Two packages TWO PACKAGES!
God.
Someone should make sausage out of me. Few fennel seeds and a little salt and I'd be DELICIOUS.

i wish i had a slouchy WANG

2009-01-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

i'm not really much of a bag person. i like some really out there, colorful, crazy, statement bags dripping with hardware, but i can't afford them. shoot, i can't even afford what i'm salivating over in this entry, but still. i'm more about vintage 80's coach cast-offs from my mom and functional bags, like one for my bike that i got for christmas (yay!). so you'll be just as surprised as i was when i received this mailer:

and though, i see, i want, i neeeeeeeeeed! this slouchy hobo comes in black and white (pretty much my staples), and is the right mix of simplicity and function with just enough deconstruction to be stylish, not worn-out.

who other than the lovely alexander wang, 24-year-old-it-boy-talented-designer-of-grunge-glamor-extraordinaire, could have crafted such a beauty? don't get me wrong, i don't worship at the altar of a.wang/e.wasson, but alexander wang sure brings the elegance out of grunge.

{image courtesy of The Selby}

i'm sure i could wax poetic about all sorts of alexander wang, covet-worthy pieces, but i'll keep this short and sweet with one other a.wang bag that would integrate seamlessly into my wardrobe.

sheesh i love it. black. cross-body. chain strap. zippers. exterior pouch pockets. voglio questa borsa!

Baggy is the New Tight

2009-01-05T10:58:00.000-08:00

Loving these Current/Elliot Boyfriend jeans. I'm tired of my thighs, your thighs, even Rhianna's (opulent) thighs. Let's leave a bit to the imagination, non? I think I want these jeans and if I feel like looking sassy I'll pair them with my fancy Barney's sale ridiculously tall and shiny expensive-hooker shoes. And a baseball tee.

JERSEY!

2009-01-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

No, not the unevenly-regarded East coast state bordering New York, but the FABRIC! Hey everyone, can we please stop making the entire world out of cotton jersey/modal/spandex/jersey/viscose/elastane/jersey? Please?? It looks great on the hanger, don't get me wrong, but it is not exactly a durable fabric. I have a modal/spandex jersey drapey thing that I bought like a sucker because it was soooo sofffffft...and draaaaaapey...and commmmmfy...and One Hundred Eighty Dollars. And has exactly two seams. TWO SEAMS. It's a shapeless cocoon for nearly two hundred bucks like this, but not this:

Grrr. Now it'll probably pill up like crazy. It is tough to wear leggings or tights because of the texture of the two fabrics rubbing together...it's like a cat's tongue as Deuce would say.

Really, my problem does not stem solely from this garment. I do like the garment for the most part, will prob like it more when it is warmer and I can wear it as a dress. My problem is the ubiquity of jersey. It's too much! Every top with any type of drapey or "architechtural" feel ends up being made of cheap, flimsy jersey. We have a fabric, a natural fabric that drapes just as well. It's called silk!!

It doesn't come from a lab! It's natural! If you want it to stretch, it can be made into knit fabric! You could even (gasp) tailor it!

You know, measure and cut and make an actual pattern that is made to fit a body and not just stretch like sausage casing over the bulgey parts?

I blame a couple things/people for this totally weak, yet totally out of control, trend. First, I blame American Apparel. Though I rely on this retailer for a big chunk o' me wardrobe, I suspect that their simple cotton/spandex jersey creations kicked off a waterfall or overly facile fabric sourcing. I can't be mad at AA themselves; I understand that their utilization of inexpensive fabric and simple cuts allows them to be both U.S. made AND inexpensive. See, that's key right there: AA's jersey garments are pretty cheap. Cheap fabric, cheap price. Fair.

Secondly, I blame Lauren Conrad. Her whole collection (why does a privileged, super young, very boring reality T.V. star have a line?) is ">jersey. Jersey, jersey, jersey. She is the poster child of jersey. She wears it, she designs with it, she probably uses those ca-reeeepy jersey sheets!

I think these two factors, combined with plain old economics (re: cheapness, versatility) have created the jersey monster. Here is what I would like to see: cotton, woven not knit, hopefully organic. Silk. Wool. Modal and bamboo jersey are actually pretty cool. Soft, stretchy and most importantly, environmentally friendly! Make stuff outta those two, and keep em inexpensive!

Simple designs out of inexpensive fabric should not cost an arm and a leg. High price should equal quality. Try some tailoring. Try some actual fitting and pattern-making, isn't that what fashion design is about?

Volo Pick: Under $100

2009-01-02T22:07:00.001-08:00

there are a few reasons why i love etsy: 1. i get to support small artists; 2. there are lots of original and one-of-a-kind pieces; 3. i don't have to sacrifice style for price. this beautiful ring by montreal artist, sheena, is hand-cast and rolled in sand on one side and polished smooth on the other. it's simple wave shape is elegant, interesting, and under $100. sheena makes each of these rings to order and is willing to make custom sizes (default size 6). if you're interested, there are more high quality photos here.

An extra 25% off comes to those who wait...

2008-12-31T11:11:00.000-08:00

for the past 6 months i've been hunting for the perfect coated/wetlook/glossy/lame/whathaveyou pants to see if i could pull them off casually without looking like a complete stripper, freak, or fashion victim. i think i might have found them:

i searched high and low on shopbop, marc jacobs, intermix, american apparel, urban outfitters, shit, even forever21. after some trial and error with the american apparel black lame leggings, i developed a short list of requirements: they are pants (not leggings); skinny fit; matte finish; have jean styling (pockets, zippered rise, rivets).

the AA leggings looked awesome:

but they were in desperate need of longer, tunic-length tops to cover the leggings crotch, a major pet peeve of mine. a casual top is essential for this kind of pant because they're so flashy. i want to look fashionably louche, not look-at-me-look-at-me tryhard! unfortunately, i don't have too many simple, longer tops...and the ones that are supposed to be hardly graze my belt line because of my damn long torso. thus, i needed pants, not leggings, to avoid the bizarre crotch anomaly.

fortunately a skinny-fit was easier to find due to the popularity of leggings. there's nothing worse than leather-like pants with a wide or flare leg to look completely dated, or in this case (zombie) stripper.

though i rarely look to celebrities for fashion advice, it's ridiculously apparent that a slim fit is exponentially more chic.

{credit fashion smoothie}

i'll admit it; i have a strange obsession with leather and vegetarianism, but that doesn't mean i can't love "leatheresque" pants, right? i was really looking for something with a matte finish, rather than a glossy pvc, because i don't want to look too costume-y. that doesn't sound like too much to ask, does it? well, the search was more arduous than i expected. and c'mon, let's face it, i just don't have enough cash to fund some covetous leather pants ala these paige's, the row's amazing $1,700 motorcycle pants, or even these goldsign jammies on sale.

my final maxim was the most difficult to fulfill: jean styling. do you know how many countless pairs of stupid leggings, cheap glossy pants, and rigid coated jeans haven't been the one?!? i'll save you the calculations, and let's just say 6 months' worth with near-daily online shopping (yes, i'm obsessed). about a month ago i found the pair in the first picture online. let's see...

a. they're pants, check!
b. skinny fit, yes.
c. matte finish, thank god.
d. jean styling, yup. they even have hidden ankle zips (yay zippers!)

i resisted purchasing them because they were on my wishlist, and christmas was so near. oh, and i'm ridiculously cheap and didn't feel like hemorrhaging another $100 + shipping on something for myself during the holidays. the tricky thing with online shopping is buying a brand for the first time without knowing how it may fit. i often rely on the feedback left by other customers to get a feel for fit, quality, and overall satisfaction. these black milk numbers are a brand i've never heard of, and they didn't have any reviews!! so i waited.

christmas came, and no pants were in my stocking.

so i looked at them again, put them in my shopping cart, and signed out.

then i waited.

and today i received an email for an extra 25% off sale items, yay! i straightaway logged into my account, checked my bank account, and ordered them. they should be here in a couple weeks (i've waited 6+ months so i can wait a little longer for regular shipping), and i'll let you know how they look/fit when i get them.

hopefully my search for the perfect matte coated black jeans is over. cross your fingers for me...

$400 off is not the same as $400 handed to you in an envelope...

2008-12-29T20:59:00.000-08:00

Sale. Sale. Sale Sale Sale. My favorite word. Well, except for butter, puppy, and organic. I followed my favorite word downtown a couple of days ago to spend money I don't have on items I don't need. Post-Christmas sale danger is often intensified by feelings of repulsive corpulence due to holiday over-indulgence. What better way to hide those extra pounds than a floor length sapphire velvet opera jacket? Who will notice the alarming resemblance of my fat ass to a snow shovel when I am sporting a hunter green musketeer-style chapeau, complete with sweeping ostrich feather?
How, HOW did these fantastic pieces (calling articles of clothing 'pieces' is helpful in reminding us how very important and special an expensive wardrobe is and will make us feel) remain after the Christmas shopping was done?
Well, mine is not to reason why, etc, so there I was, frantically pawing through luxury goods in Barney's, accompanied by none other than Deuce Jeweler (whose ass, btw, is NOT ANY LARGER after the round dozen Xmas parties it attended. Eff! Maybe she left it at home when she went?). So we were checking out the shoes on sale--one great thing about ole Deuce's teeniness is that we never have to fight over the last one--and were both elated and dismayed by all the gorgeous, wonderful, amazing shoes. You see, these shoes were on sale, but were not exactly free, you know? I mean, looking at a glittering, sculptural example of the heights of high fashion which was originally $815.00 and is now $299.00 is a whole 'nother kind of torture. Normally, these shoes are safely confined to the pages of Vogue, or the fancy section of Nordstrom or Barney's where I enjoy them as I would the Mona Lisa--look, but don't even think of touching. Well, maybe touch, or even try on, but don't even think of owning. Well, maybe...well maybe was here and offering herself up at $299.00. Man oh man. We caressed, we compared, we tried, we trotted. Deuce was loving a pair of Marni open-toed, knee-high, wooden-heeled, multi-hyphenated boot thingies and I was loving the various and sundry stripper-inspired fancy shoes so popular this season. Louboutin, YSL, Dolce and Gabbana, jeeeeez. All on sale. Love that ruined economy! Laugh now, cry later, right?
We managed to extricate ourselves from Barney's and moved to Nordstrom. 'Salon Shoes' was definitely the place to be, racks and racks of designer creations piled carelessly on top of one another. How sad! I needed to help them! Deuce spotted the totally wild Stell McCartney brocade-and-wood knee high Cossack boots. Amazing, way gorgeous, and a relative (ishy) steal at $444.00! We had to leave before some serious damage was done.
I kept thinking about those shoes. What a bargain! Yeah, not so practical, but so beautiful that they would certainly quench my thirst for new shoes for at least a year. For at least a month. At LEAST for um, dress-up new shoes for at least three weeks. I woke up the next morning early because the thought they might be gone was torturing me! I tried explaining to husband, G, who said he thought girls' shoe obsession was silly.
"Girls think that different shoes make them look better, or sexier, but really one high heel does the same thing as another. The exact same thing."
"Oh come on!" I said. "I am sure that's true for some guys but YOU, G, are a designer yourself (not of clothes or shoes, but still)! Don't tell me you can't tell the difference between some cheap leather pump from BP shoes (where I usually buy) and a sleek and shiny patent leather 120mm stiletto, perfectly balanced for sexy walking and featuring a subtle peep toe adorned with bauble encirlced by golden logo? Come ON!"
"Well, maybe if I bothered to notice" he replied. "But usually, dudes see high heels, and they see sneakers or flip flops, and maybe galoshes or some other kind of boot, but within each of these, uh, categories, there isn't much difference."
I guess I can accept this explanation, but ultimately, as we are told by every type of media outlet always, women dress for other women. Or really, we dress for ourselves. That shoe is gonna make me feel superspecial. Even more so if I can combine it with some other 'piece.' I decided to buy. I need a pair of great heels, I am almost thirty! At least one pair. Fashion magazines and Sex in the City make us think that a pair of eight hundred dollar shoes is a splurge but both worth it and completely possible. Statistically, seriously and practically, though, for most of us it certainly isn't any of those but the splurge. If we even have that much extra cash sitting around, it is much better spent on just about anything else (bills, vacation, loans to our irresponsible and drunken pals, children's college fund, down payment on house, etc.). This time, however, for the low, low price of $299.00, I own one pair of perfect, perfect Fendi Red Oxide patent leather 120 mm t strap platfrom stilettos, shining on my feet like Dorothy's Ruby Slippers. Now all I need is a pedicure...